My new years eve.

i worked evening shift today. E1. In the redzone.

Woke up 'late-ish' in the morning, i had a great lie-in (as usual, who would miss the appeal of the lie ins not many malaysian doctors would get). Had my breakfast at home, then settled all the 'pegawai kerajaan' stuff eg SKT, oncall claim, etc. And owh owh, realized it was the last day in 2009. Grant!

Went to work at about 2.30-ish, arrived in my beloved workplace 7mins late =P. No worries. Just headed straight away to the much anticipated red zone. In my mind, it was just another working day. Then again, owh owh, it was the last day in 2009. Grant!

Entering the bloody zone, sitting there was my partner of the day - the most good looking male HO in the department - mxxi. and the loveliest MO in the department, Kak Hxxxa. Great, my day would be great, good team today i thought, good team. Then owh owh, it was the last day in 2009. Grant!

Looking around, gosh, the redzone was almost full with all ventilated patients! Two MVAs victims, another 2 i wasnt very sure coz they were all sorted out anyway, just waiting to be transfered to their respective 'nest' upstairs. Apparently both the MVA victims collided with each other. one of them was just 11 years old (looks bigger than me, weighing 47kg!). But both suffered severe head injury. Then the surgical team came to review the two... some faces i'm not familiar with so i just answered whatever they asked without being too warm. Aaaa well, they must be people from HUSM. They come and go in a few months. Then the anaest MO came in to review (another good looking one =P) .. claimed he couldnt see the skull fracture in the CT brain film. I said, dude, it was in the radiologist report, so it must be there. We looked hard for it, then we found it. Ok, the skull fractured, but there was no bleeding. Poor girl, the 11 year old suffered diffused axonal injury. No surgical intervention could help that. Owh no. And owh owh, it was the last day in 2009. Grant!


Just about finished sorting out the two, then a mother's voice heard. 'Doctor! Please help my baby!!! Please doctor please!!' Suddenly there was a young chinese woman rushed into the zone holding a stone-cold bluish 7months old baby. And owh crap, my MO had just left the redzone for dinner 5mins ago. The stone-cold baby's life was entirely on... me. God, help me please.


'Put your baby here!' i ordered the mother, pointing to the bed nearest to us. Owh crap, he's asystole! 'Come on, CPR!' The baby was syndromic (EEC syndrome, anyone?) with multiple congenital abnormalities. Then my MO reappeared (what a relief!), heading the resuscitation. Then guess who else appeared? My HOD. i thought, well, great. In his batik shirt. Great. The baby's line was extremely difficult. Great. 'Nurse, interosseous needle please', the HOD voiced. 'Now, Rozi, insert the interosseous line'. Gulp. What? Gulp. 'Boss, i only have done this on chicken bone, not baby's bone' 'Its ok, this is just like the chicken bone. Do it'. Gulp.

As expected, i failed. haha. Then he thought me on how to do it. Aaaa not bad, not bad at all. Next time, it would be my interosseous line.

Well, the baby miraculously reverted to sinus rhythm. After 20mins. Finally. Fuh. All the sweats paid off. He's fine for now. And owh owh, it was the last day of 2009. Grant!

Another 3 entries to the redzone were also babies. They werent as bad as the first one though, so no need to be mentioned in detail i guess. Owh i love babies. By the way.

Approaching 11pm, there were 2 DKAs and 1 perforated bowel came. I was just knackered. The night team set in already anyway, so they took care of them all. And so i went home.. owh owh, it was the last day in 2009! Grant!.

Arrived at home around 1140-ish. Starving. Wait. It was the last day in 2009. Switch on the tele! The coundown, never miss it, or you'll miss the year! =)

Then mommy came down. Mommy, i'm hungry. Lets go get something from the drive thru. Its new year mom. 'Lets go!' Hehehe, another drive thru late night tummy packing. Yummy anyway. And owh, its 2010!!

p/s: will post the pic cm.

hypocracy.. it hurts.

have you ever been in a crowd
yet you feel so lonely?


have you ever laughed out loud
yet inside you cried?


have you ever thrown the sweetest smile
yet your eyes didnt even want to look?


have you ever felt you want to tell someone something
yet your voice just didnt come out?


have you ever listened
yet your heart was hearing some other whisper?


have you ever looked
yet your mind was seeing some other figure?


have you ever looked like you were enjoying things
yet your heart disgusted them?


have you ever really wished for something to change
yet your heart strongly told you that it was never going to change?


have you ever hoped for some dreams
yet your conscious mind told you there were no hope?


have you ever breathed in the fresh air
yet you were dying inside?


have you ever pretend to ignore
yet you cared so much?


have you ever shown how much you hate
yet you loved indefinitely?


if our answers are yes
then,
are we hypocrites?
or arent we?

waves of life

embrace them. rise thru them, gracefully.

cinta sempurna

especially dedicated for the person i have the greatest respect towards.

Aku manusia lemah
Selalu terjatuh
Berbeda aku darimu
Kau berdiri teguh
Aku serba tiada
Aku kekurangan
Dan bila kau tiba aku hilang dari kewujudan

Sempurnanya sifatmu
Telusnya hatimu
Jujurnya niatmu
Tingginya kesabaranmu
Lepaskanlah diriku
Kerna aku
tak mampu tuk menanggung sebuah cinta sempurna
Darimu


Bukan aku tak pernah
Mengerti dirimu
ku sanjung setiap kata cinta kau berikan aku
Hilangkan rasa itu
Akhirkan semua
Dan bila kau sedar
Aku hilang dari kewujudan
Ohhh

Sempurnanya sifatmu
Telusnya hatimu
Jujurnya niatmu
Tingginya kesabaranmu
Lepaskanlah diriku
Kerna aku
Tak mampu tuk menanggung sebuah cinta sempurna darimu
Darimu


Happy birthday. never met anyone else in the whole world like you.

the yellow zone song

pakcik: doktor,ni kad saya

me: ok pakcik, duduk ye. bila lagi pakcik lelah ni

pakcik: baru je, semalam.

me: lama dah ke pakcik lelah?

pakcik: dekat 2 bulan lebih dahh
doktor, pakcik masuk tandas tadi

me: ehem?

pakcik: lepas tu pakcik terjatuhkan beg duit dalam tandas
tandas kotor, tak dapat ambik

me: hmm... ok... (what's is he trying to say...)

pakcik: pakcik tade duit dah nak balik

me: berape duit pakcik dlm beg duit tu?

pakcik: 20 inggit. pakcik taktau nak balik macam mana.

me: abes camane pakcik boleh dtg hospital hari ni?

pakcik: pakcik dok kat rumah kakak semalam, rumah dia belakang hospital ni je. tp pakcik nak balik pasir puteh ni

me: takpela, pakcik balik la rumah kakak dulu, nnt mesti dia tolong

pakcik: tak.. pakcik nak balik terus..

me: hmm takpe, saya check pakcik dulu.

came with SOB, after a short nebs, his lung was very very clear. weird. he's cachexic, in a very unkept appearance, and mouth full of oral thrush (and IVD scars on arms!!) and his saliva was drooling over his lips.

me: pakcik, kena nebs skali lagi ni. oxygen pakcik 84% jer.

pakcik: hah?pakcik nak balikk..

and so he went for the 2nd nebs. without finishing it, he came back to me.

pakcik: pakcik dah ok. pakcik nak balik. pakcik sejuk. hospital ni sejuk.

me: ok pakcik boleh balik. ini ubatnye ye. pakcik jaga diri.

pakcik: tapi beg pakcik jatuh dalam tandas

me: ala, balik la rumah kakak pakcik, sure dia bagi duit nak balik pasir puteh.

pakcik: dia takkan kasi, dia suruh datang sini mintak duit dengan doktor

me: (huh??)

by this time, all my colleagues turned their heads towards us.

everybody realized he was bluffing about the dropped wallet in the loo. people would do anything to get some money. just to get him away, my senior mo handed him some change. he then left the yellow zone. *sigh*

p/s: happy birthday, my twins!! we love you, very much.